“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”- Winston Churchill
“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.”- Douglas Adams
Today I signed the construction loan for my very first house. In 3 months I will have my very own home (and my very own mortgage and mountain of debt)! It was a major accomplishment in my life. Come to think of it, there have been some pretty great accomplishments in my life that I’ve been really proud of. I began this journey by explaining to you all that I have never been able to revel in my successes, though, because I’ve always felt that my weight has overshadowed them. When I look at pictures from my law school graduation, I don’t see 3 years of work, but I do see the 30 lbs I gained. Same story with my college graduation, first acting job, publishing and so on and so forth….but today was different. Today, I just signed my paperwork and enjoyed the moment (before having a minor heart attack at the fact that I will be paying for that house for the next 20 years). But I wasn’t at all worried about failing at a diet or how I would look in the pictures or whether or not I would win the Show Down. I was able to revel and enjoy. 12 weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.
When this competition began, I wrote about the fact that my weight has overshadowed a lot of my life. I have felt that I have accomplished a lot, but was never able to fully enjoy it. I always felt like a failure in the realm of my health and fitness. If you know me, you know that failure and I don’t get along very well. Which is why I felt so strongly about taking this opportunity and making the absolute best of it. I say it over and over again, but this really has been a life changing experience. For the first time, I am not shortsighted in my goals. I’m not paying lip service to the value of my health or my need to lose weight, and I cannot see myself failing. I don’t see a trip up as a failure.
What’s different, you may ask? In a word….you. Well, in 2 words, me and you. (ok, I guess that’s technically 3 words, but you get the point!). How are you the difference? I have felt an outpouring of support from each person that has read my blog, heard about my story, or seen me out and about. Every word of encouragement has helped me stay on path. You have shown me how much you care about me and my journey. You have called me words like “awesome”, “brave”, and “inspiring”. These are all things I would have never attributed to myself, but by saying them to me, you have helped me become them. I never would have shared my fears and triumphs of weight loss had it not been for this competition and for your desire to hear about them. So for that, I profoundly thank you. I hope that you have enjoyed going on this journey with me.
How have I changed? Physically…not so much…I’ve gone down a size and lost about 10 lbs so far. Healthy, but not astounding. It’s weight that I know I won’t gain back, though. I have a new found determination that I’ve never felt before. I have a desire to change my life for the better. Would it not have been for HEB, my family, friends, and all of you reading this blog, I wouldn’t have found that fire within myself. And for that, I thank you.
Thank you for beginning this journey with me. I appreciate all the love you have sent my way. I hope you will continue to follow along with me, because believe me when I say, this is just the beginning. There is so much more to come. And as they say, it is the best .